Facing Our Fears

Fear is a dream thief! We fear what we don’t know…we fear what we don’t understand. So many awesome and worthy goals go unmet because we are afraid to reach for them or to see them through. Nelson Mandela once said that it isn’t failure that scares us but that we are great beyond our imagination that scares us. When God gives us that vision of who we can be it is sometimes so amazing that we can’t believe. Immediately our minds begin to give us reasons that it can’t be so we don’t have to do it. Our minds say “wait” or “you can’t do that right now because….” or whatever we tell ourselves when we feel the urge to reach for a goal. We often settle for what is safe and tell ourselves we have time to do that thing that scares us later. I’ve decided today in the wee hours of the morning to face my fears. To stare fear in the face and say, “Yes I’m scared so what?!” I’m going to feel the fear and do it anyway! There is destiny on the other side of our fears. There is so much promise of fulfillment if we just try. God will do the rest I’m sure of it!

I believe it’s those dreams or goals that scare us the most that hold the most potential for blessings and prosperity in our lives. God has not given us a spirit of fear….fear comes from the enemy. The enemy is trying his best to stand between you and what God has planned for you. I was watching an interview of new rap sensation Drake, he said everything he’s ever done that led him to this success initially scared him to death. We can’t be scared to be all God wants us to be…well we can be scared, but we’ve got to do it anyway. Please join me in reaching for our destiny! Our children and the generations that follow are counting on us to take calculated risk and show them the way.

It's MOTHER'S DAY but Duty Calls

Happy's Mother's Day!! Okay now that that's out the way what are you REALLY feeling today? If you're like me you woke up to the sound of a 5 year old demanding a piece of candy while chomping on dry cereal straight from the box which I just know is all over the floor downstairs. I've got to go pick up my oldest from a classmate's sleepover and there are two loads of clothes that MUST be washed in order for the upcoming week to run smoothly. Yeah I'll say it again HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! For the single mother no matter what day it is, duty calls. Unless you're wealthy and your personal assistant has arranged for the children to prepare you a special breakfast before whisking them away so you can make your spa appointment, you're going to be doing pretty much what you normally do. If your children are old enough to understand the special nature of today you have handmade cards,gifts and inedible breakfast presented with the enthusiasm of a diamond necklace,otherwise here you are alone and busy...save a few phone calls and forwarded text messages there is nothing that sets Mother's Day apart from any other day. I'm tempted to feel sorry for myself and the countless other women in my shoes but I can't! Regardless of the present these kids are my future! The boys are so beautiful, healthy, and gifted. Although the burden of raising them alone is all mine, I take comfort in a fact recently shared with me by actress and fellow single mother Nia Long, the "rewards are all mine too". I know that God is blessing my boys to be a blessing on this earth. Their talents and gifts will be used mightily and produce a great outcome! When that time arrives I will have the joy of experiencing the rewards alone and I don't have to share the credit with anyone but the Almighty! Single mothers nurture your seed! THEY are your reward! If you sow in to their lives God will make sure you reap the harvest. Until then I will spend Mother's Day being "happy" that I'm alive to see it and when duty calls, that I have the ability to answer. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

I'll Have Mine With A Side of Guilt

It never ceases to amaze me how guilty you feel once you become a parent. It’s almost like you walk around with a constant sense of guilt about everything. If you’re at work you feel like you should be at your child’s school…guilt. If you’re at home with the kids you feel like you should be out doing something to improve their quality of life…guilt. My boys went to spend some time with their father’s family this weekend. I really needed some me time to just sit alone with my thoughts. Who am I kidding…I wanted the house to stay clean for a couple days! I can’t express the joy I feel when I walk in the house and there are no shoes, socks, toys, or crayons sprawled everywhere. I want to listen to MY music without there being a Mexican standoff about turning on the TV or listening to Wacka Flacka…whoever he is! I surfed the web and visited my friends on Facebook and Twitter without feeling like I was “ignoring” my children for once. I ate cereal for dinner and didn’t have to make a special order meal for my picky eaters….aaaah freedom! It felt like the old me…the girl I fondly yet vaguely remember.

Still in the quiet moments there’s my old nemesis guilt. I actually felt little twinges of guilt as I enjoyed a day at the mall shopping for ME! As I stopped for ice cream I thought, “Aww the boys probably would love some.” As pathetic as it sounds, I found myself looking at their pictures and sending my oldest a text to see how he was. He never replied so I guess that’s my answer “We’re fine mom…get a life!”

I still haven’t completely figured out that balance between having a life for me and being an attentive mom. I’m acutely aware that we only get one chance to raise our children AND we only have one life to live. How do you manage to raise healthy, well adjusted children without completely losing yourself? Well, I think you have to make time for you. Schedule time where you can be away from your children to reconnect with yourself, be yourself. Even if you can't physically send them away, steal away to your bedroom or bathroom and hang up a "Do Not Disturb" sign. Let the kids know this time alone without them is non negotiable. Spend that time doing something that makes you happy. Give yourself this treat at least once a day and just accept the fact that this 'treat' comes with a side of guilt. Enjoy!

There Is A Plan In Place

Why do you now cry aloud, have you no king? ...Writhe in agony, O Daughter of Zion like a woman in labor, you must leave the city to camp in the open field. You will go to Babylon; there you will be rescued. There the Lord will redeem you out of the hand of your enemies. But now many nations have gathered against you...they do not know the thoughts of the Lord, they do not understand his plan...
Micah 4:9-13

These words come to me every time I feel I am at the end of my rope. When there are bills I can't pay, problems I can't solve and all I can do is cry, I remember I have a King with plans for my life. According to Jeremiah 29:11 those plans are of good not evil to prosper me and give me an expected end. I am holding on to this promise with both hands and feet as I navigate the choppy waters of single motherhood. Just like a woman in labor the pain of being left alone to raise children in this world is inescapable. Even pain medication doesn't completely relieve the discomfort of labor. We use alcohol, gossip, sex, what ever devices we can to bring relief but yet the pain continues deep within. He has promised that it is in this condition that he will rescue us and redeem us out of the hand of the enemy. There outside the city of our comfort zone He will find us. I can't understand why I have to travel this way, but I trust in his word that He will do what He promised. Not because I've done anything special to warrant this grace, but because He is who He is.
Sister he has seen your struggle, heard your cries, and planned your victory. Writhe in pain O Daughter of Zion endure the labor because at the end the beautiful gift is born and gently laid in your waiting arms.

It Does Not Yet Appear What I Will Become

"Men often become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can,then I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn't have it in the beginning." -Mahatma Gandhi

When I first separated from my ex husband I was so full of faith that God would somehow make a way for my sons and I to flourish. As the days, weeks and months went on something I hadn't bargained for settled in...FEAR! My youngest son was diagnosed with Asthma sending him to the hospital every 3 months with a crisis. My oldest son became angry and sullen, my mother moved away, and things suddenly didn't seem as under control. Fear is a debilitating disease. The realization that everything was on me had me shaking on the inside. I began to doubt myself and everyone around me. I began to mistrust people and then fear's companion settled in ANGER! I was angry with my ex husband for not being here, angry with myself for ever choosing him, angry with my children for not making things easy. After a year of running around like the proverbial chicken with her head cut off, I was exhausted and ready to retreat...throw in the towel! Everyday was a struggle and I became withdrawn but now I'm feeling a renewed energy. I want to share this renewal with you. I know being a single mother is a daily struggle, but I am confident that God will use this blog to encourage and uplift us. Even though nothing has changed outwardly,inwardly I feel a new energy. Something has clicked! I've added meditation and yoga to my daily exercise regimen and I feel more and more centered each day. I stumbled upon the quote from Gandhi about being what I believe and I've decided although it does not yet appear what I will be, I believe I can do it! I can raise the boys, advance my career, and find love finally and actually....I'm more than able.