It Does Not Yet Appear What I Will Become

"Men often become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can,then I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn't have it in the beginning." -Mahatma Gandhi

When I first separated from my ex husband I was so full of faith that God would somehow make a way for my sons and I to flourish. As the days, weeks and months went on something I hadn't bargained for settled in...FEAR! My youngest son was diagnosed with Asthma sending him to the hospital every 3 months with a crisis. My oldest son became angry and sullen, my mother moved away, and things suddenly didn't seem as under control. Fear is a debilitating disease. The realization that everything was on me had me shaking on the inside. I began to doubt myself and everyone around me. I began to mistrust people and then fear's companion settled in ANGER! I was angry with my ex husband for not being here, angry with myself for ever choosing him, angry with my children for not making things easy. After a year of running around like the proverbial chicken with her head cut off, I was exhausted and ready to retreat...throw in the towel! Everyday was a struggle and I became withdrawn but now I'm feeling a renewed energy. I want to share this renewal with you. I know being a single mother is a daily struggle, but I am confident that God will use this blog to encourage and uplift us. Even though nothing has changed outwardly,inwardly I feel a new energy. Something has clicked! I've added meditation and yoga to my daily exercise regimen and I feel more and more centered each day. I stumbled upon the quote from Gandhi about being what I believe and I've decided although it does not yet appear what I will be, I believe I can do it! I can raise the boys, advance my career, and find love finally and actually....I'm more than able.