There Is A Plan In Place

Why do you now cry aloud, have you no king? ...Writhe in agony, O Daughter of Zion like a woman in labor, you must leave the city to camp in the open field. You will go to Babylon; there you will be rescued. There the Lord will redeem you out of the hand of your enemies. But now many nations have gathered against you...they do not know the thoughts of the Lord, they do not understand his plan...
Micah 4:9-13

These words come to me every time I feel I am at the end of my rope. When there are bills I can't pay, problems I can't solve and all I can do is cry, I remember I have a King with plans for my life. According to Jeremiah 29:11 those plans are of good not evil to prosper me and give me an expected end. I am holding on to this promise with both hands and feet as I navigate the choppy waters of single motherhood. Just like a woman in labor the pain of being left alone to raise children in this world is inescapable. Even pain medication doesn't completely relieve the discomfort of labor. We use alcohol, gossip, sex, what ever devices we can to bring relief but yet the pain continues deep within. He has promised that it is in this condition that he will rescue us and redeem us out of the hand of the enemy. There outside the city of our comfort zone He will find us. I can't understand why I have to travel this way, but I trust in his word that He will do what He promised. Not because I've done anything special to warrant this grace, but because He is who He is.
Sister he has seen your struggle, heard your cries, and planned your victory. Writhe in pain O Daughter of Zion endure the labor because at the end the beautiful gift is born and gently laid in your waiting arms.

It Does Not Yet Appear What I Will Become

"Men often become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can,then I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn't have it in the beginning." -Mahatma Gandhi

When I first separated from my ex husband I was so full of faith that God would somehow make a way for my sons and I to flourish. As the days, weeks and months went on something I hadn't bargained for settled in...FEAR! My youngest son was diagnosed with Asthma sending him to the hospital every 3 months with a crisis. My oldest son became angry and sullen, my mother moved away, and things suddenly didn't seem as under control. Fear is a debilitating disease. The realization that everything was on me had me shaking on the inside. I began to doubt myself and everyone around me. I began to mistrust people and then fear's companion settled in ANGER! I was angry with my ex husband for not being here, angry with myself for ever choosing him, angry with my children for not making things easy. After a year of running around like the proverbial chicken with her head cut off, I was exhausted and ready to retreat...throw in the towel! Everyday was a struggle and I became withdrawn but now I'm feeling a renewed energy. I want to share this renewal with you. I know being a single mother is a daily struggle, but I am confident that God will use this blog to encourage and uplift us. Even though nothing has changed outwardly,inwardly I feel a new energy. Something has clicked! I've added meditation and yoga to my daily exercise regimen and I feel more and more centered each day. I stumbled upon the quote from Gandhi about being what I believe and I've decided although it does not yet appear what I will be, I believe I can do it! I can raise the boys, advance my career, and find love finally and actually....I'm more than able.